Thursday, December 4, 2008

I Hated Magic Before it Was Cool

[Disclaimer: I’ve been asked by the BBC to write a series of articles that have little to relevance or importance to the modern day world. This is the first entry in a 6-part series.]

Let’s look back in time for a moment. A happier time when people were not afraid to be themselves. When people were not filled with hatred for something they just didn’t understand.

Do you remember these classic lyrics to the popular 1965 Lovin Spoonful song hit:
'Yeah, do you believe in magic
Yeah, believe in the magic of a young girl's soul
Believe in the magic of rock and roll
Believe in the magic that can set you free'

Now, let’s walk forward in time again and contrast that with the following more recent Sunset Rubdown lyrics:
'Was it magic or Midas that touched you?
And by magic, I mean “trickery.” And by Midas, I mean “faith.”
By magic, I mean “trickery.” And by Midas, I mean “faith.”

What does this mean, Spencer Krug….By magic you mean “TRICKERY”??????? What madness do you speak, I beseech you, TELL ME! Since when was magic synonymous with trickery? I always thought that magic was the power of apparently influencing the course of events by using mysterious or supernatural forces. That’s certainly not trickery in my book (my book, by the way is Webster’s).

In my own personal life (as opposed to my public (health) life) there are 2 people that I know for certain hate magic. As I’ve stated in a previous blog, the number of friends that I have is only outweighed by the number 5. In other words, I have 4 friends. If two of those friends hate magic, then in epidemiologic terms, we’re looking at a magic hating prevalence (MHP) of close to 50%.

I’m not sure where these negative emotions are coming from. Was it The Never Ending Story perhaps? That movie has always freaked the shit out of me. But, I’m probably not a great example considering my love for magic is only outweighed by my love for beet farms. Maybe it’s something more recent like Harry Potter or the economy. Or have some of us simply lost our ability to imagine?

A great divide is developing in the world today. On one side of this chasm you’ll find those people that would like magic to never be taught to children in schools or referred to in movies and books and the like. On the other side you’ll find those of us that dream of a world filled with unicorns and dragons and potions. I know what side I’m on. Do you?
And so, go on then you non-believers. Keep thinking that hating magic is cool. But watch out, as I might just have to go all D & D on your ass.

Not even a Level 5 Protection Spell can save you from the wrath of Trex.

I welcome your questions and comments. But not your concerns.

Wednesday, December 3, 2008

For those of you who woke up this morning...

and were thinking that Trex and her sister were totally normally and functional...please refer to the picture below to help clear up this case of mistaken identity (and I do apologize for the Inappropriate Childhood Nudity or ICN...someone should notify the EPA or the FDA or OSHA or maybe the Forest Service, I'm not sure which one exactly).If this is not enough evidence to convince you, please consider the following points...

Common topics of conversation between Annie and T-rex:
1. Geez, when was the last time my dog bit your dog and you or me or mom had to get stitches?? It's been a while! It's always so funny when that happens though!
2. Bret, are you bulimic? No Germaine, I just want you to pay me a compliment. (Please read in a Flight of the Concords-esque kiwi accent).
3. Trex, is it okay if the house gets cleaned and the electrician is in your room around 8 AM tomorrow morning? Annie, you are the devil. The devil I say.
4. So, what's your Wi fit age??
5. ANNIE! Doesn't your set of Hostroff knives remind you of the Austrof Center from Gossip Girl??

Common Annie and T-rex activities:
1. Annie cuts off half of one of her fingers cooking some strange vegan meal. Trex scoffs silently in the background and runs into her room so she can shove 4 pieces of Rusty's pizza down her throat without Annie finding out.
2. Annie and Trex sit on the couch and silently watch Lord of the Rings. They both cry when Aragorn tells the wee hobitts that everyone should bow to them at the end of the Return of the King and not the other way around.
3. Annie and Trex quote an entire episode of the Office to each other and talk about how that show changed (saved?) their lives.
4. Annie and Trex play the popular board game "My family is more dysfunctional than yours." Naturally, they always end up tied.
5. Annie texts Trex using T9word and doesn't proofread...she mistakenly tells trex that "the old family photos are in the living room underneath the yak." Trex spends the remainder of the day worried that the family's pet yak has escaped.

Until next time,

There won't be a next time,

Yes there will, shut up,

You shut up,

Quit being a douchebag,

At least I'm not a dickweed,