You Know You're Being Productive at Work When...

You are having facebook conversations about fake family reunions with your mom from your dog's perspective...

Jeanne Chase
Friend Requested by Stella
Today at 2:01pm

Message
Stella,
I am not sure I know who you are, but interestingly, we are starting a Chase family reunion in the Black Hills as I speak. What family of Chase's are you related to?
Jeanne


Stella Chase
Today at 3:23pm
Hmm, Jeanne eh? That name sort of sounds familiar...if you posted a PICTURE maybe I would have a better idea of who the hell you are. Actually, now that I think of it, perhaps you are somehow related to a dog I used to mutilate...I think his last name was Chase but I'll have to refer back to my records. If it turns out we are somehow connected...I would LOVE to attend the Black Hills Reunion. In terms of my lineage, my great great grandfather was John Arbuckle Chase III and his wife was named Susan B. Anthony. My parents are Trex Margaret Chase and Gepetto Rocko Anderson (they aren't married and my mother decided to give me her last name instead of my father's for tax purposes.)
Hope this clears some things up for you,
Stella

Summer Speed Blogging

(Not to be confused with Winter Speed Skating…totally different thing).

Oh my god oh my god oh my god. Sorry Blog, it’s been so long since we’ve last spoken!

Well, a lot has happened since my last dead baby possum update…in fact, I’m going to have to revert to the days when we did things in outline format (just like when I wrote my hard-hitting report on Hernando De Soto (famed Italian explorer) in the fifth grade). I actually have a lot of really interesting stories about my childhood (especially from when I lived in Summerland but nobody ever seems to let me finish that one).

(IMPORTANT NOTE: I have tried very hard to format this blog so that proper indents were displayed...alas, blogger.com is sort of flukey. Thus, my outline may seem convoluted at best. I'm sincerley sorry. I can send you a more formal word document in case you wanted to print this out).

HEADLINES:

A.I’m pregnant
a.Wait no, that’s my sister
i.Yes, she’s doing great - thanks for asking
ii. No, I have not yet learned how to get around the baby-proofed cabinet
drawers in the kitchen

B. I’ve mastered the art of acting like I’m doing work at work when I’m actually doing nothing
a. This blog is case in point
b. Work is really fun at the public health lab…ESPECIALLY if you like POOP
i. Everybody knows I like poop
1. I just realized that I’m a sucky outline writer (you probably figured that out at A.a)

C. One of the best parts of my job is receiving emails from our office
assistant like the following:
a. “Hey Cyndy, I’ll work on the bleachy thingy tomorrow, but I did you a
favor and got you 10,000 new lab requests (2000 for scratch paper, and
8000 for toilet paper)….Let me know if you need anything else.! -Jin Nim
b. explanation: I’m putting in an order thru my lab for 80 gallons
of bleach…it should arrive just before my time is up here so I’m
going to take it with me and sell it on the black market (bad joke
interlude: all that bleach is really gonna turn it into a white
market!)

D. I’ve gotten obsessed with the idea that I can actually do a triathlon
a. This idea is in no way based in reality
b. 7AM pilates is my worst nightmare
c. I took my first fall on my bike last night while clipped in
i. Megan was there…she saw it
ii. Luckily I landed on some soft grass
iii. This occurred right on Cabrillo Blvd.
1. there were myriad cars driving by…a lot of which were probably
operated by legitimate athletes because we were just on our way
home from Night Moves
2. I got stuck with my bike on top of me and couldn’t get my foot
clipped out
3. this was one of those top 10 embarrassing moments for me
a. can’t really put it in my top 5…if you knew me you’d know
why
i. you probably actually do know me if you’re reading
this

E. Stella is thriving at Astrocamp
a. I’m able to send her emails but she can’t write back
b. I’m pretty sure she’s learning a lot about space
c. I just hope that when she returns she will not want to become an astronaut
i. Actually, then she would FINALLY HAVE A JOB

F. Sailing class starts this Saturday
a. I’m sure there will be more on this in a future blog titled, “How I crashed
a 42 foot sailboat and almost drowned in the Santa Barbara Harbor”

F. Drinks of choice this summer
a. Old fashioned’s
b. John Daly’s
c. Whiskey, water, and wine (in one glass)

G. A picture is worth a thousand words
a. Please see attached (obviously)

Sincereley,

Thriving Scientist