Saturday, January 31, 2009

You Know You've Hit A New Low, Part Deux

This blog is, in no way, a rip off of Hot Shots, Part Deux...a truly excellent movie. Although, not quite as good Gigli.

Some quick updates before we get into the real meat (that's what she said) of today's topic.
1. I've recently discovered that I'm a sleep-typer (I'm completely passed out writing this right now)...if you try to wake me up, there will likely be a struggle.
2. I just saw the movie "Taken" starring Liam Neeson. It's about as believable as Die Hard (with a Vengeance). Fucking Pete and Grace, I wish you guys would just let me and Annie enjoy movies without making fun of us. We're just imaginative people, that's all.
3. I just joined the Cal Triathlon club...I'll send you a sticker. And a green hat.
4. I'm learning how to ride the bus to school.
5. Stella has yet to find a job.

Now back to the topic of the hour...
You know you've hit a new low when you realize that you are 24 years old, hanging out at a FRAT HOUSE, and taking turns with your friend on the ab cruncher machine thing to see who can do more leg lifts.

Furthermore and unfortunately, I'm lacking any photo documentation of what I decided to eat this night. Let me put it this way, I haven't eaten meat or cheese** for the past 3 weeks EXCEPT for last friday night...1 BLT, 1 butter lemon and sugar crepe, 1 cheeseburger, 4 chicken mcnuggets, and an apple pie.

I'd like to nominate myself for the prestigious D-Bag of the week award.

**Please don't ask me's not because I like animals. I f-ing hate animals actually. Especially yaks and the common household pet rat. And let's not forget that certain un-employed dog of mine. The only animal worth my time is a special peacock friend of mine named Roepert. Is a bird even an animal though?

Well, I would say "I should probably go to bed" but I'm already asleep (perhaps sleep-typing is one of the side effects of ny-quil?). P.S. I take ny-quil recreationaly now.


Wednesday, January 14, 2009

Some Earlier Experiments in Writing...

While cleaning out my mother's garage I recently came across some fictional novels that I wrote when I was in third grade. I found some really beautiful stories and old poetry. One of which, entitled "Coming Back Again," I would like to share with you today...

BEGIN TRANSCRIPTION (fortunately, I'm a scribe, so I just did this transcription on my own):

Sixteen years ago a bridge collapsed and fifteen-hundred people went with it. Two hundred people survived...

Thirteen hundred people were found dead! They found all of the bodies except one. She was a 25 year old girl.
Her name was Grace Stearns. One day a young lady named Tracy was rowing on the very same lake that Grace was in, Tracy fell in!

Tracy saw the body of Grace and tried to scream. Then Grace's body started glowing and pulled Tracy towards her. Tracy could not stand the force...she tried to swim out of the water but her insides came out. Then Grace ate Tracy. Then Grace swam to the surface and for the rest of Grace's life, Tracy would haunt her dreams. One night Tracy made the dream come true and killed Grace. The end.


Wow! What I great story! I'm not really sure if this was reflective with my relationship with Grace at the time. Grace, if it's any consolation I no longer want you dead.

I found another journal from later in the same year in which my teacher wrote me a note saying that my next story was not allowed to be so violent or graphic. Apparently it was becoming somewhat of a trend for me.

Well, I'll leave you with the following maxim: "A child that is violent in their youth can often grow into a god-fearing woman, just like Tracy Chase."

Until we meet again.

Thursday, January 1, 2009

You Know You've Hit a Knew Low When...

you're alone in Barnes and Nobles in the middle of the afternoon reading a book and some little kid walks by with his dad and turns to his dad and says "that girl looks drunk."