Thursday, December 16, 2010

THIS IS ONLY A TEST (A fall on top of a fall)

Technical blogging difficulties have caused me to post what some may refer to as a "test blog." Please do excuse any inconvenience.

Incidentally, I fell off my bike today while trying to ride up a steep hill (I was clicked in and got trapped between the cement and my bike...of course I couldn't get up and there was a car coming). This happened to me once before in front of Los Banos. Compton was there, she saw it.

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Dear Sir, in response to your blog...(aka, this answers so many questions)

The below post has hurt me in so many ways but also explains a lot to me about how I’m actually viewed by the outside world. I thought that my past campaigns to end prejudice against the dinosaurs still living within the confines of the U.S. borders had successfully put a stop to any anti-dinosaur sentiments still lingering in the lay community. As you have just read, however, I couldn’t be more wrong.

I would like to embark on a journey with you to explore some of the reasons why dating me may or may not be a dangerous (if not life-threatening) game. I would like to present some truths that I once held about myself (until reading the above blog 20 minutes ago) that have since been entirely negated by this propaganda campaign that was so obviously directed at me and my ‘dating life’.

[A prerequisite blog post for the following blog post can be found at this link:]

Before I begin, however, I feel the need to set the record straight. I just want to say that I’ve NEVER won best costume (probably because of the nonchalant attitude I always take towards Halloween that almost certainly turns to panic and distress on October 31st and leads to an expensive day-of-the-holiday trip to American apparel), I absolutely adore taking funny photo booth photos (rarely with blood on my face), my current unpaid internship would never pay for a trip to Tokyo, and my poor hand-holding skills are the result of a previous wrist injury and not due to my outlandish height. I’ll admit, the part about being bad at talking about my feelings is true but we can all agree that asteroids were a thing of the past.

Now that that’s out of the way, I will now attempt to discuss those “truths that I once held about myself:”

Part A: Superficial reasons why I think I’m still single:

1. I don’t have the best track record when it comes to personal hygiene (in other words, I’m this generations’ [person] in a van down by the river)

2. I have professional training at the graduate level but practical experience at the hostess level.

3. My nose to face ratio is about 3:1.

4. I talk a lot a game when it comes to my basketball skills and my desires to go backpacking but rarely walk the walk.

5. I’ve never successfully climbed up a rope using my arm strength only.

6. I unintentionally try to be as awkward as possible when I first meet someone that I potentially may or may not like (how’s that for a noncommittal sentence...speaking of noncommittal...see below)

Part B: Emotional and/or abstract reasons why I’m still single and/or want to be single:

1. I can up and fly to a paleontology conference in Southern Montana on a whim without having to break plans with my ‘parnter’ (nothing beats the look on those archeologists’ faces when a 30 foot tyrannosaur strolls into the room).

2. I don’t have to explain to a significant other why I’m tired today because I was up all night last night nursing a bottle of glenlivet, watching episode after episode of true blood, and eating only the streusel topping part off the coffee cake I just made earlier that evening.

3. On a scale of 1 to emotionally mature I’m about a 2.5.

4. The relationship models in my family leave something to be desired.

5. I once had a private blog with myself (you’ll know what that means) entitled: “You know you had a crappy ex-boyfriend when...” ('ve had a burrito thrown at your head for no apparent reason, etc.”

6. In my opinion, my single status is entirely appropriate whilst I’m still recovering from aforementioned “unmentionable” past occurrences (see #5).

7. I love taking physical risks (e.g. bare-foot puddle jumping in murky ponds of an unknown depth) but I’m totally terrified of taking risks that might leave me feeling emotionally vulnerable.

In conclusion...(aka, enough already!)
Before reading the now notorious ‘mingle2’ blog I had deluded myself into thinking (with the help of weeks of intensive psychotherapy) that it’s important to spend time figuring out the you in who you are before letting yourself depend on another person (and vice-versa). (Apparently I’m a school-obsessed pseudo-alcoholic with a love/hate relationship with my dog and an unhealthy obsession with the people that are obsessed with finding extraterrestrial life (e.g. SETI...look it up, it’s amazing). And hey, it’s only taken me 3.5 years of alone time to figure that shit out.

I have spent so much time convincing myself of the reasons why the above reasons are valid explanations as to why I am a GF with no BF when in actuality this anti-Trex blog has been circulating for over two years with an untold readership completely unbeknownst to yours truly. All those times I met someone new and excitedly said; “Hey I’m Trex but some people call me Tracy” instead of thinking to themselves “hmm, well that’s interesting. A dinosaur! I’ve never met a dinosaur but would really like to get to know her for who she is and not what she is” they were actually thinking about the 9 reasons they shouldn’t date me. How’s that for a glass dating ceiling.

And so, the moral of this incredibly long-winded blog is...
If you too are a long time singler (LTS) that’s ready to get back into the dating game (DG*)...stop wasting your time with self-reflection mumbo jumbo or half-hearted attempts at improving your interpersonal skills and instead spend at least 4-5 hours a day sitting on your laptop scouring the internet for over-generalized blog posts that are possibly directed at a person of your similar stature. Only then will you be able to move on and a find true happiness.

Trex (and proud to be one)

*not to be confused with the popular Santa Barbara coffee shop the Daily Grind. Although, based on the amount of attractive, pseudo-hipster, and yet possibly single people that frequent this establishment (unless, of course they forgot to bring any cash) it is a possible conduit for your return the dating game

Saturday, July 17, 2010

Proposed New July 17th Holiday

I’d like to make a motion to officially change July 17th from “World Day for International Justice” to “World Day for Sending Text Messages without Fixing Awkward Phone-Induced Auto-Corrects.”

(or WDSTMFAPIAC for short…but not to be confused with World Day for Stopping Terrorists from Manifesting Frightening Attacks on People in Asian Countries which is on April 7th)

It has been one year to the day (give or take a few months) since my venerable sister, Annie Quail*, sent me the infamous ‘the photo albums are in the living room underneath the yak’ message that sent me into a panic searching for yak that was not in the living room when I checked and thus had obviously wandered off. Annie’s inability and unwillingness to spell check her text messages has caused me more grief and mental strife than I care to admit. However, in an attempt to be a bit more of a positive and accepting person, I’d like to create this holiday in order to recognize the humor that these so-called mis-texts can sometimes create rather than dwell on the pain.

(Incidentally, even the ‘yak’ text had a happy ending as it resulted in Annie’s and my realization that a yak was just what we were missing in our lives. We ended up obtaining a yak last August…her name is Alicia and she’s a bit of an aggressive eater but otherwise an acceptable companion...a Samwise Gamgee of our day, if you will.)

So, please join me in the celebration of this new and important holiday (justice smustice!) by submitting your favorite auto-corretcted missed texts to me by this evening at 11:59PM. Winners will be announced via blimp message.

Proper format is as follows:

1. Intended text: “Hey Annie, what are you and baby up to today?”

2. Auto-corrected/sent text: “Hey Annie, what are you and Beverley up to today?”

3. Your emotional response: This made me feel happy and also curious about when I was going to meet Annie’s new friend Beverely.

I thank you for your consideration and timely response.

*names have been changed to protect Annie Chase’s anonymity

Monday, July 5, 2010

This Hiatus Ends Now/Six Blogs-in-Progres for your Reveiw

I deftly apologize for my inconsiderate blogging break. I've just returned from a long journey abroad during which time I was unable to access the internet.

I'm not ready to jump right back into things but here are some possible blogs that I may tentatively be working on in the near to distant future.

Any feedback will be negated and/or ignored.

1. honestly, your dance moves are really getting in the way of my tetris-playing/why can't every night end with a grand slam breakfast at denny's?

2. tips on riding your scooter after minor surgery

3. in addition to being an avid (pathological?) birdwatcher, turns out my uncle geoff is also an adept Somalian scam artist

4. my love for robert pattinson is starting to affect my job performance

5. i've decided to run for governor of california in November...your financial and emotional support in the coming months would be greatly appreciated (please visit www.trex2010/ to pledge your support...paypal accepted)

6. Do it yourself yardwork with Lidia and Tracy: this week we'll show you how to build a garden box and re-brick your outdoor barbecue pit

Thank you,

Saturday, January 23, 2010

Average-Sized Dinousaur Seeks Partner in Crime/I LOVE it when people write LOL after everything they say/MUST be willing to buy timeshare together

My past experience with dating websites has been abysmal at best. It's probably because I refuse to actually go out on dates with people (in real life or virtually). I'm hoping that I'll meet my match on (no pun intended! actually, i wonder if that's why it's called

If you know anyone that isn't yet desperate enough to try their hand at online dating, please forward the following info to them along with my email address. Thanks for your help with this difficult matter. These are trying times people...

BuggyBliss's profile:
Of all the usernames match. com could have picked for me, they went with buggybliss. Sadly, I was way to lazy to think of something on my own so I just went for it. Now I guess I have to go buy a buggy which I really can't afford right now, perhaps I can just lease one. If anyone knows of any good buggy dealerships please send me their info.

Anyway, I digress. I'm brand new to match. com and so far I've really enjoyed getting the website's automatic match emails that say things like..."He has the same birth month as you" or "Like you, he lives on the earth." What are the chances!? (1/12 and 1/1). I decided to join said dating website because I've realized how terrible I am at first time dating interactions/awkward life moments. I usually make things 11 to 12 times more awkward than they need to be, thus making it a bit difficult for me to get to know someone right off the bat.

A typical day for me usually involves...waking up (like you, he also wakes up in the morning), going for a hike with my dog/the light of my life, riding my bike to class, going to class, riding my bike home from class, taking my dog for a run, studying, eating (finally, I was so hungry all day!), and then watching a few old episodes of the office. When I'm not busy with ridiculous amounts of school work (I'm just finishing up my masters at Bezerkely in public health), I enjoy short walks on the beach, snowboarding, swimming, backpacking, jumping, cooking, traveling to distant lands, taking bad pictures of boring things, charging my cell phone, and hanging out with my new niece.

I would love to meet someone who has a good sense of humor and doesn't mind having long conversations about how dangerous chimpanzees are (they should REALLY not be kept as household pets).