Saturday, July 17, 2010

Proposed New July 17th Holiday

I’d like to make a motion to officially change July 17th from “World Day for International Justice” to “World Day for Sending Text Messages without Fixing Awkward Phone-Induced Auto-Corrects.”

(or WDSTMFAPIAC for short…but not to be confused with World Day for Stopping Terrorists from Manifesting Frightening Attacks on People in Asian Countries which is on April 7th)

It has been one year to the day (give or take a few months) since my venerable sister, Annie Quail*, sent me the infamous ‘the photo albums are in the living room underneath the yak’ message that sent me into a panic searching for yak that was not in the living room when I checked and thus had obviously wandered off. Annie’s inability and unwillingness to spell check her text messages has caused me more grief and mental strife than I care to admit. However, in an attempt to be a bit more of a positive and accepting person, I’d like to create this holiday in order to recognize the humor that these so-called mis-texts can sometimes create rather than dwell on the pain.

(Incidentally, even the ‘yak’ text had a happy ending as it resulted in Annie’s and my realization that a yak was just what we were missing in our lives. We ended up obtaining a yak last August…her name is Alicia and she’s a bit of an aggressive eater but otherwise an acceptable companion...a Samwise Gamgee of our day, if you will.)

So, please join me in the celebration of this new and important holiday (justice smustice!) by submitting your favorite auto-corretcted missed texts to me by this evening at 11:59PM. Winners will be announced via blimp message.

Proper format is as follows:

1. Intended text: “Hey Annie, what are you and baby up to today?”

2. Auto-corrected/sent text: “Hey Annie, what are you and Beverley up to today?”

3. Your emotional response: This made me feel happy and also curious about when I was going to meet Annie’s new friend Beverely.

I thank you for your consideration and timely response.

*names have been changed to protect Annie Chase’s anonymity

Monday, July 5, 2010

This Hiatus Ends Now/Six Blogs-in-Progres for your Reveiw

I deftly apologize for my inconsiderate blogging break. I've just returned from a long journey abroad during which time I was unable to access the internet.

I'm not ready to jump right back into things but here are some possible blogs that I may tentatively be working on in the near to distant future.

Any feedback will be negated and/or ignored.

1. honestly, your dance moves are really getting in the way of my tetris-playing/why can't every night end with a grand slam breakfast at denny's?

2. tips on riding your scooter after minor surgery

3. in addition to being an avid (pathological?) birdwatcher, turns out my uncle geoff is also an adept Somalian scam artist

4. my love for robert pattinson is starting to affect my job performance

5. i've decided to run for governor of california in November...your financial and emotional support in the coming months would be greatly appreciated (please visit www.trex2010/ to pledge your support...paypal accepted)

6. Do it yourself yardwork with Lidia and Tracy: this week we'll show you how to build a garden box and re-brick your outdoor barbecue pit

Thank you,