She'll know what to do. She always does in situations like this.
Apparently my ass (on account of its ever increasing froot loop induced size) decided to drunk dial my mom while I was riding my bike to school today. My buttocks was only able to leave a garbled message to said mother and apparently it was somewhere along the lines of "We have your daughter, we haven't hurt her...yet. We demand 24 dollars, payable to our B of A account. You have 7 hours." I, of course, was the last to know about my purported kidnapping, brought to my attention after my venerable mother left 2 frantic messages saying "honey, i think you've been abducted, i hope you're okay, call me back when you get a chance and let me know if there's anything I can do in terms of a ransom. Also, I forwarded your car insurance bill to your house."
Quite touching really.
It turns out the whole incident this afternoon was just a ruse. I wasn't actually kidnapped this afternoon by fictitious Berkeley hooligans. But, in a completely random and unrelated occurrence, I WAS abducted by aliens about an hour ago. I don't really know what to do at this point, I've been confined to a small holding cell with D.B. Sweeney. It's been pretty scary so far. They made me take the picture that I've included...I think they are trying to brainwashing me into thinking I am one of them. I won't give in. Luckily, they've allowed me to bring my mac and they have pretty good wireless up here. It actually might be a good thing because I've really been procrastinating with my school work, so maybe I'll get some done up here. Although, blogging seems to be a fairly effective distraction.
I'll keep everyone posted if I find anything out about when I might get released. I'm not sure what the logistics of that will be, but I'm hoping, at the least, they'll provide me with a parachute and a compass.
4 comments:
You are not alone. Really. As my Dad to this day contends, the Aliens have been studying my family (the Comptons, of course) for generations. Apparently my Grandpa is so traumatized from the experiments that he will not discuss them and completely denies that they ever happened. My Dad just sees this as further evidence that "the studies" really happened (and are happening?). My Dad claims the peak of his abductions were in the 70's while living in the SF area (interestingly enough the details of his abductions sound oddly familiar to acid trips) - so Im thinking its a hot spot! Get out now Trex, before they take all future trexes in the trex linage into the lab with you. As for me, I've been told i've surely been abducted, luckily the memory eraser works on me (I've heard some "subjects" are immune, one of which you seem to be. In the future I will refer to you as "my brethren," now that you have shared this story with me. Thank you for your honesty.
If kidnapping gets you to stop procrastinating on your schoolwork, that's not a bad thing. Clever of you to take your photo in front of that artwork. A useful clue to your whereabouts. Do you want me to forward WaMu credit card applications? I think they are going bankrupt so probably better to ignore. Keep us 'posted' on current location, if possible. Oh, speaking of Sarah Palin....I drew a clever picture on the blackboard in the Sojourner restroom of her shooting a wolf from a helicopter, with the caption: "Sarah Palin shoots wolf." I didn't have my glasses on but a friend took a digital photo and showed it to me and it did appear to be my artwork...I will send it when she copies me...
Love, mom
omigod. im embarrassed to be ur sisters. why would alien take someone related to me? perfect princess me. unfortunately my sister rides her bike to school drunk and talks out of her ass. 9dont tell my mom i sed ass), your an embarrassment. sry. i cant b seen with u anymore
The sky is falling, the sky is falling!
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