The amount of friends I have is only outweighed by the number 5 OR We should probably refer to the literature OR When good things happen to bad people

It's been a whirlwind of a week I must say. What with the alien abduction and subsequent return of my person to the earth and all. Just when I thought things couldn't get any crazier, they did. Because I am too lazy right now to write in paragraphs the following blog will be a bulleted list of important points or events that I felt the need to discuss.

• I'd like to start this off by saying, the stealing of my camper shell off of my truck has affected me both emotionally and spiritually. I'm really not ready to talk about it yet. Please see attached flyer and distribute amongst the community at large.
• Nextly, a few nights ago I may or may not have had a bit of champagne to drink. The result of this was a flurry of drunk texting and dialing. Sorry about that call mom. I just REALLY needed to know if that was Sandy Koufax in that old picture of you. I also sent a blank text message to my dad's home phone number. I'm not sure if he got it. It was really important though.
  
• Furthermore, I've joined an internet dating service called ok-cupid. I'm not really sure what I was thinking. Maybe I just haven't had time yet to have that internal monologue that should sound like this: "Trex, what the hell are you thinking?" It's been pretty funny so far. Lots of potential for awkwardness. And we all know I deserve 5 stars for awkwardness. In case you think we might be a good match you can check out my profile... (http://www.okcupid.com/profile/trex_c). When I view my own profile it tells me that I am an 89% match to myself.
  
• I met this awesome person yesterday...a friend of a friend of a friend (FOAF). The original friend being someone who I'm not really contacting anymore. Anyway, I was at this brunch thing in the city for Dania's birthday (HBDD!) and talking to some people when this guy came up to me to tell me that I looked really familiar. I was so happy to hear that from someone because I'm always hearing from people that I look really unfamiliar (even from people I know pretty well). But we chatted for a bit and, it turns out we didn't actually know each other in a familiar way. After he left, the awesome FOAF guy was making fun of the conversation I had just had with the other familiarity guy (is this making too much sense?). He came up with the best line EVER...."You look just like a girl I kind of want to sleep with." I'm definitely using that one. It should probably be somehow incorporated into my online dating profile. I'm sure that would attract some really top-notch gentlemen.
  
• I'd now like to direct your attention to a different topic. I recently was speaking with my lovely Mexican cousin Graciela. She informed me that she will be visiting me, along with her father Uncle Judy, this coming Tuesday. My excitement for Uncle Geoff to be hanging out with me in Berkeley is only outweighed by innate ability to juggle. I hope he says "dickweed" more than once.
  
• In further news, I would like to cordially and precipitously invite everyone to the 2008 Checker's Chunks Chase Birthday Bash (C x 3, B x 2). This will be held at my abode in Berkeley tomorrow at noon. I would come down to Santa Barbara, but it's more convenient for me if everyone could just drive up here in the morning. You should probably plan to leave around 6AM. We will be eating raw dog food and fake plastic vegetables for lunch. Also, everyone will have their own bowl of water. We'll play a really fun game called "Stella Chewing on Checker's Paw." This reminds me of the three little pigs video when Pete tells Grace (in a moment of some of the most brilliant childhood acting I've ever seen).."You better not be lying to me or I'm gonna come back here and chew on your face." This, in turn, reminds me of the book I've always wanted to write: "Living in Fear of My Brother and his Baby Blue Scooter - The Grace Stearns Story." The sequel would be about me..."Living in the Crack Between Grace's Bed and the Wall."
  
• Lastly, it was discovered by myself today (after a 14-month deleterious investigation) that my roommate Ramsey Wright Penn (no relation to Sean) has an uncle (named CIII...maybe he's also a robot?) that went to Crane school with my beloved mother. How's that for the alignment of the stars. Mother Chase (no relation to Mother Jones) also related to me that she knew Ramsey's grandmother as well. What a small, shaded world we live in. Unless you live on my street which isn't exactly what you would call "tree-lined." I do hope to live on a tree-lined street someday. Also, I want a Viking Stove.
• Annie, I'm really sorry but I accidentally severed my right leg and left it in your bathroom. My bad.

Over the bridge to nowhere you will find a dead moose and a cop that tazered his stepson "because he asked me to," also some books that nobody would have read anyway.

I bid you adieu.

Trex