This morning, in my backyard, I happened upon the grisly and yet increasingly common scene that is pictured below.
Another possum dead.
Another life taken before it really even started.
A perpetrator still on the loose.
The frequent appearances of dead baby possums in my backyard is becoming, in my own brilliant mind, one of the great unsolved mysteries of the 21st century.
Here are the facts...they are indisputable:
1. There have been 4 murders that have occurred in my back yard to date.
2. All of the victims have been less than 1 year of age.
3. All of the victims have been either female or male.
4. The night that each murder occurs, Stella is usually heard (by my own person) to be awkwardly barking at something or someone; I say awkward because it is not a bark of joy, fear, or anger, but rather one of innocent curiosity.
From the above facts I have deduced the following:
A small mythical creature called a leprechaun has been sneaking into my yard and battling against its greatest known enemy, the baby possum.
Clearly, Stella’s curious bark is but a reaction to the strange scene she witnesses on some nights when I let her out to go to the bathroom. I am more than certain that Stella is not the perpetrator herself; we all know that she has long been a friend to the possum's (just as Gandalf is a friend to the hobbits!)
I will be sure to parlay the evidence that I have so painstakingly collected to the proper authority.
If you have any other information, I have set up an emergency hotline where anonymous information can be left: 1-800-DEADMARSUPIAL
Thank you for your time.
4 comments:
I don't know how I've survived this long without that 1-800 number. Now there's hope/
This reminds me of a recent Funny Story involving alleged road kill. We were racing along the I-80 at about 100 mph, rushing to leave Salt Lake City having just seen the Mormon Temple, when we happened upon an emergency flashing sign that I thought said "19 Dead on I-80". Hard to read at 100 mph admittedly. I couldn't even see who was driving our car. I panicked, of course, thinking that there was a massive pile up ahead with bodies strewn amongst hundreds of GM cars (popular in the Midwest).I turned on the radio. No news. No one else on the road seemed concern but I became more and more puzzled as the miles flew by. Where were the bodies, the emergency vehicles, Tracy in her nurses cap? Then I began to notice the dead deer and occasional possum and other unfortunate wildlife. So I began to count bodies. Not remotely 19.Perhaps the sign was warning drivers not to kill them again? I'm still puzzled to this day (two days later). Perhaps it meant 19 people had died along that stretch in 2009? This experience and others have motivated me to write a AAA travel book entitled, "A Guide to the Side of the Road". Sorry about the long anonymous comment but it's been a long strange trip.
Happy Mother's Day from Mom.
May 11, 2009 9:56 PM
This reminds me of the time Stella killed three baby possums in Berkeley and Tracy blogged about it. Mo money mo problems possums. Keep on having babies but better give back the truck cap and bike seat or you will keep paying in blood money. You know you can use some HTML tags right?
Can we get a more "positive" or "happy" theme for the next post? Can we just get another post? I ran out of Tonka Bites and I need some sort of chase/stearns-fix.
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