In the past two months I’ve noticed that, upon opening certain text messages or emails, I start to feel slightly nauseated, my eyes twitch, and my left hand goes numb. I recently initiated a massive epidemiological investigation to try to determine what exact exposure is leading to my frightening symptoms. After careful observation, I’ve come to the conclusion that there is a direct link between my symptoms and any emails or MMS text messages that have a picture of my sister’s baby attached.
This extremely disruptive disorder, which I have so aptly named 'Insanely Adorable Baby Picture Distraction Disorder' has been found to only respond to the following treatments:
- high doses of intravenous interferon gamma
- blocking your sisters' email address and phone number
- cloning yourself so that you can move home and see said baby everyday but still "graduate" from school
This last option, however, is a very high risk procedure; what happens if your clone back in Berkeley gets a boyfriend and you stay single back at home…what does this say about the real you? (more on this in next weeks blog: “The Pros and Cons of Cloning Yourself”)
Please refer to the picture below to see if you too are a sufferer of this terrible affliction. (More info on support groups will be posted tomorrow).
